Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
