I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My balls are so social today.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
