you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
