there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
