Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
