god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Let's get the cat blown out
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize