so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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