it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
