Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
