they need to just BURY HIM!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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