in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
