true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
