I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
