why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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