i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
