"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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