just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize