i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
