I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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