Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
