"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
