I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
