Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
