Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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