It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
