I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
