I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's official drugs can't kill me
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
