he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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