Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
