If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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