Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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