my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She's like a pop up book from hell.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
