I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
