I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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