I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
