I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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