I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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