I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
