forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
