so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
