accomplished twins. life is a go
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Still dying that you shit outside
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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