And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
