i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
