Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
