Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I am available for nakedness
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
