I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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