just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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