the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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