i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
