I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
