Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
