I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize