im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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