What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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