I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
