I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
