Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
NoShamevember. You game?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
