3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
