I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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