Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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