I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
