I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
