We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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