take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
