ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
