the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
