I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
