In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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