two words...techno handjob
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
