I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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