I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
