I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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