i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
