dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize